Quicksand
SOH-CM-2023
A battle rages in my head,
And it won't end until I'm dead...
The dreams they come to me at night,
and I shake awake and sweat with fright...
I've fought these demons many years,
And covered hurt though endless tears..
The smell's still fresh, as is the scene.
My senses, in that moment, keen..
I see you lifeless on the floor,
My eyes don't want to see no more..
I see the film upon your eyes...
In an instant my spirit dies..
I see the blueness of your skin,
I know that I can never win.
You are gone and I'm alone.
The fear I feel goes to the bone.
I lunge to hold you, but you aren't there.
Your skin is cold and in death you stare.
I touch your cheek and close your eyes,
and as I do so my heart cries.
I sense the anguish that you felt,
I stand alone and then I melt..
I smell that smell as you as I mourn,
cursing the day that I was born..
My world has ended, this much is clear.
All is gone that I held dear..
The years apart have only served
To destroy my heart nerve by nerve.
I have lived your future, to be sure.
The burned in memories will endure..
You stayed and tried to make things right,
I remember every fight..
And just when fate drew us near,
Death made us tense and fear..
I stood and told Mom that you had died.
I wanted to but I could not hide.
I heard Taps and I saw your flag,
Heard the volley as I sag..
Mom loved you then, I have no doubt.
But that's what you were all about..
And then I stood beside her bed,
As the nurse explained that she was dead.
I sat beside her as she died,
And to myself I truly lied.
It will be ok I told my heart,
Not long will you be apart.
To be with him is where you'll be,
And God will set your spirit free.
I told her this for many weeks,
Through her coma my heart speaks..
In the end I hope she died
Knowing how much I really tried.
I lost them both, I became a man,
I wish at times that I had ran..
I live with knowing I did my best.
Still I wish that I could rest..
I look in the mirror and see my Dad.
Sometimes I'm happy, sometimes I'm sad.
He never knew who I am now.
And I have made this solumn vow..
I will not rest, I will not stop,
I will not quit until I drop.
The life I have I live for him..
Until in death my eyes go dim..
He is the reason I got the chance
To even be in life's dance.
He taught me to love, and not to hate,
And still he couldn't change his fate..
One day I know his fate is mine.
And until that day I want to shine.
For whenever death my spirit grips,
"I love you Dad" will be on my lips..
And it won't end until I'm dead...
The dreams they come to me at night,
and I shake awake and sweat with fright...
I've fought these demons many years,
And covered hurt though endless tears..
The smell's still fresh, as is the scene.
My senses, in that moment, keen..
I see you lifeless on the floor,
My eyes don't want to see no more..
I see the film upon your eyes...
In an instant my spirit dies..
I see the blueness of your skin,
I know that I can never win.
You are gone and I'm alone.
The fear I feel goes to the bone.
I lunge to hold you, but you aren't there.
Your skin is cold and in death you stare.
I touch your cheek and close your eyes,
and as I do so my heart cries.
I sense the anguish that you felt,
I stand alone and then I melt..
I smell that smell as you as I mourn,
cursing the day that I was born..
My world has ended, this much is clear.
All is gone that I held dear..
The years apart have only served
To destroy my heart nerve by nerve.
I have lived your future, to be sure.
The burned in memories will endure..
You stayed and tried to make things right,
I remember every fight..
And just when fate drew us near,
Death made us tense and fear..
I stood and told Mom that you had died.
I wanted to but I could not hide.
I heard Taps and I saw your flag,
Heard the volley as I sag..
Mom loved you then, I have no doubt.
But that's what you were all about..
And then I stood beside her bed,
As the nurse explained that she was dead.
I sat beside her as she died,
And to myself I truly lied.
It will be ok I told my heart,
Not long will you be apart.
To be with him is where you'll be,
And God will set your spirit free.
I told her this for many weeks,
Through her coma my heart speaks..
In the end I hope she died
Knowing how much I really tried.
I lost them both, I became a man,
I wish at times that I had ran..
I live with knowing I did my best.
Still I wish that I could rest..
I look in the mirror and see my Dad.
Sometimes I'm happy, sometimes I'm sad.
He never knew who I am now.
And I have made this solumn vow..
I will not rest, I will not stop,
I will not quit until I drop.
The life I have I live for him..
Until in death my eyes go dim..
He is the reason I got the chance
To even be in life's dance.
He taught me to love, and not to hate,
And still he couldn't change his fate..
One day I know his fate is mine.
And until that day I want to shine.
For whenever death my spirit grips,
"I love you Dad" will be on my lips..