Printers, stress, time-lapsed rip-off-ing.. and gray eyebrows
Hey all,
Can anyone relate?
I have had many printers. Years ago, perhaps 12 years ago, I had a very cheap Lexmark which lasted forever, (well not really, but like years! ). Then came the 'buy a printer a year' saga. Every one of my printers I would buy, lasted about a week past its 1 year warranty. On schedule, I would be printing something, the printer goes into catastrophic failure mode, I check the reciept and its one week past. On time.
Several months ago (3? maybe 4? ), I decided to purchase a really nice printer. I wanted a BMW like, extreme, high quality 5 year printer. I got it at Sams Club, discount price, huge thing that makes copies, fax, extreme quality photo printing, top of the line high rez scanner, and waffle maker with a small cooler for one canned beverage of your desire. (Well, almost all of that. No BMW logo though). This was the Epson 600 series 'something'.
Also... I wanted a computer I could put behind me on the bookshelf, so I wanted a WiFi model. Being that I have a Mac computer with built in everything like WiFi, I got a printer that had this feature. Says 'easy to link WiFi system'. Well, upon getting the 'investment' home, I find that I cant link it into my Windows XP, nor Mac OSX (latest 64bit Mac too, all drivers on Earth are on it). Takes me a week to get it working in WiFi on both OS systems. Ok, wiped my forehead, patted the unit on the top, went back to work, secure in my knowing that I had a high end printer now.
So... A week ago, I tried to print something. No go.... Cant find the printer. I look behind me. There it is. I poke it, in case its a mirage or alien recreated fake via a generated halo illusion. Yep, plastic, heavy, its there, on, powered up, WiFi activated, breathing, heart beat.
Something comes to mind. HarleyMan, AKA Mason, had told me in my one week long mission to get WiFi going months ago, "Bill, just get a dang USB cable. You can get long ones that will reach!" So, off to Land of Wally, and I get one.
Yesterday, I needed to make a Scan of a document. I link in my new handy dandy USB cable, threaded around Juniors doggy couch, around the lamp, up the desk, around the Saitek. Plug it in. Windows goes Bing... (found something... ). I click on Scan from the printer thing, (ominous black, shiny, expensive thing with waffle making hardware within). Scans fine. Then warnings appear. Cannot talk to any computers nearby. I look at windows, and its sitting there running about 30 unknown background programs.
hmmmm....
I click on the Printers devices page panel thing in Windows. Yep, there it is. The waffle maker, with a green check by it. Online, registering.
I go into Adobe Photoshop. (This always works). I click on Import/Scanner/Wafflemaker Deluxe Plasma 9,000 Epson super duty EVERYTHING printer device, and click Scan now... Nothing.. Warning, no printer detected.
Ok... My eyebrows twitch.. Hmmm... How can this be happening 'thoughts' go through my mind, in a very loud voice.... I take a deep breath. I dont want my life to end from stress over a printer, and have 'instantaneous eyebrow jettisonning syndrome to kick in as well... That gets really messy.
Today, 1PM Phoenix time, -7 Zulu, day 2 of the 'wafflemaker trauma' situation, I get a lightbulb go off over my head. I can 'copy' a document via Scanner Copy mode. I turn on the WM Epson ultra deluxe 'incredible achievement of Epson and mankind' printer device, dial in the following on the neat pop-out, rotateable angled, highly high-tech looking control panel, the scanner humms, I smile (yes... yes I did.. I outsmarted you, you waffle maker!!! ), and the paper grabs and goes in, one sheet, not 20, like my last HP printer did all the time one year after I bought it and never used it... It starts to print........ stops.. (eyebrow twitch occurs). Bing.. warning message on neat TIFF high rez waffle making device readout screen. Paper Jam.
No problem...
I reach back, flip the stack, pull out the sheet, all is well. Dial into the neat, sophisticated, well designed key system to scan and print, once again.
Bing...! Paper jam.
I redo this scenario 3 times. Bing...! Bing....! BING!!!!
Ok, I must have too much paper in the slot. I take out half. I have about 20 sheets in there. I feel around to make sure none of Juniors treats bags have fallen back there. None... I start the process again. I try pushing on the buttons at a different pressure and speed this time, holding down the key perhaps 7/10ths of a second longer, and slightly harder, but not to hurt the delicate panel working mechanism (that is brand new and quite pricey).
Scanner starts humming... (yes.....!!!! I have faith! This will work. it MUST! its brand NEW!!! ). Paper slips down in via servo whine, printer head is moving back and fourth (always a good sign, I think to myself). Bing! (woooot.... ) Message on high rez mini computer monitor in side of Waffle maker, beverage cooler device by Epson... "Paper Jam".
I stair at the machine thing. I am hoping its getting nervous, like looking at Junior after he shreds up something and its debris field encompasses all area's of an entire room.
A wierd 'twitch' occurs from deep down in my forehead, under the region of my delicate, overly stressed, payware enduced, super metallic gray eyebrows. My heart is now pounding. Not racing, but a bang, bang, bang, like the Enterprise doing Warp 7 in Engineering, the floor shaking concussions of the matter anti-matter reactor, churning out pure power. I am mad. So mad, I get worried again. This could eject my eyebrows and I'll be bald on my forehead for weeks till new innocents can grow back...
My training from spiritual warfare kicks in. My Jesus Freak taught techniques tell me, 'think of something cool! turn your body away from the sight of the waffle making epson peak of technology. All will be well. I will endure'....
I sit down and quickly stroke my eyebrows, calming them down. "Easy boys... easy.. its only a dang printer...
I will not think about this. I am going to go buy that Islander and Island hop.. I will treat myself to something good. I will not let Advanced, expensive, peak-technology printers get the best of me.
Now, for those that are thinking of spending $200.00 or more on a printer you think will last you more then 365 days (exactly to the hour), think again. Think of this saga. Be warned.......!
Bill
Hey all,
Can anyone relate?
I have had many printers. Years ago, perhaps 12 years ago, I had a very cheap Lexmark which lasted forever, (well not really, but like years! ). Then came the 'buy a printer a year' saga. Every one of my printers I would buy, lasted about a week past its 1 year warranty. On schedule, I would be printing something, the printer goes into catastrophic failure mode, I check the reciept and its one week past. On time.
Several months ago (3? maybe 4? ), I decided to purchase a really nice printer. I wanted a BMW like, extreme, high quality 5 year printer. I got it at Sams Club, discount price, huge thing that makes copies, fax, extreme quality photo printing, top of the line high rez scanner, and waffle maker with a small cooler for one canned beverage of your desire. (Well, almost all of that. No BMW logo though). This was the Epson 600 series 'something'.
Also... I wanted a computer I could put behind me on the bookshelf, so I wanted a WiFi model. Being that I have a Mac computer with built in everything like WiFi, I got a printer that had this feature. Says 'easy to link WiFi system'. Well, upon getting the 'investment' home, I find that I cant link it into my Windows XP, nor Mac OSX (latest 64bit Mac too, all drivers on Earth are on it). Takes me a week to get it working in WiFi on both OS systems. Ok, wiped my forehead, patted the unit on the top, went back to work, secure in my knowing that I had a high end printer now.
So... A week ago, I tried to print something. No go.... Cant find the printer. I look behind me. There it is. I poke it, in case its a mirage or alien recreated fake via a generated halo illusion. Yep, plastic, heavy, its there, on, powered up, WiFi activated, breathing, heart beat.
Something comes to mind. HarleyMan, AKA Mason, had told me in my one week long mission to get WiFi going months ago, "Bill, just get a dang USB cable. You can get long ones that will reach!" So, off to Land of Wally, and I get one.
Yesterday, I needed to make a Scan of a document. I link in my new handy dandy USB cable, threaded around Juniors doggy couch, around the lamp, up the desk, around the Saitek. Plug it in. Windows goes Bing... (found something... ). I click on Scan from the printer thing, (ominous black, shiny, expensive thing with waffle making hardware within). Scans fine. Then warnings appear. Cannot talk to any computers nearby. I look at windows, and its sitting there running about 30 unknown background programs.
hmmmm....
I click on the Printers devices page panel thing in Windows. Yep, there it is. The waffle maker, with a green check by it. Online, registering.
I go into Adobe Photoshop. (This always works). I click on Import/Scanner/Wafflemaker Deluxe Plasma 9,000 Epson super duty EVERYTHING printer device, and click Scan now... Nothing.. Warning, no printer detected.
Ok... My eyebrows twitch.. Hmmm... How can this be happening 'thoughts' go through my mind, in a very loud voice.... I take a deep breath. I dont want my life to end from stress over a printer, and have 'instantaneous eyebrow jettisonning syndrome to kick in as well... That gets really messy.
Today, 1PM Phoenix time, -7 Zulu, day 2 of the 'wafflemaker trauma' situation, I get a lightbulb go off over my head. I can 'copy' a document via Scanner Copy mode. I turn on the WM Epson ultra deluxe 'incredible achievement of Epson and mankind' printer device, dial in the following on the neat pop-out, rotateable angled, highly high-tech looking control panel, the scanner humms, I smile (yes... yes I did.. I outsmarted you, you waffle maker!!! ), and the paper grabs and goes in, one sheet, not 20, like my last HP printer did all the time one year after I bought it and never used it... It starts to print........ stops.. (eyebrow twitch occurs). Bing.. warning message on neat TIFF high rez waffle making device readout screen. Paper Jam.
No problem...
I reach back, flip the stack, pull out the sheet, all is well. Dial into the neat, sophisticated, well designed key system to scan and print, once again.
Bing...! Paper jam.
I redo this scenario 3 times. Bing...! Bing....! BING!!!!
Ok, I must have too much paper in the slot. I take out half. I have about 20 sheets in there. I feel around to make sure none of Juniors treats bags have fallen back there. None... I start the process again. I try pushing on the buttons at a different pressure and speed this time, holding down the key perhaps 7/10ths of a second longer, and slightly harder, but not to hurt the delicate panel working mechanism (that is brand new and quite pricey).
Scanner starts humming... (yes.....!!!! I have faith! This will work. it MUST! its brand NEW!!! ). Paper slips down in via servo whine, printer head is moving back and fourth (always a good sign, I think to myself). Bing! (woooot.... ) Message on high rez mini computer monitor in side of Waffle maker, beverage cooler device by Epson... "Paper Jam".
I stair at the machine thing. I am hoping its getting nervous, like looking at Junior after he shreds up something and its debris field encompasses all area's of an entire room.
A wierd 'twitch' occurs from deep down in my forehead, under the region of my delicate, overly stressed, payware enduced, super metallic gray eyebrows. My heart is now pounding. Not racing, but a bang, bang, bang, like the Enterprise doing Warp 7 in Engineering, the floor shaking concussions of the matter anti-matter reactor, churning out pure power. I am mad. So mad, I get worried again. This could eject my eyebrows and I'll be bald on my forehead for weeks till new innocents can grow back...
My training from spiritual warfare kicks in. My Jesus Freak taught techniques tell me, 'think of something cool! turn your body away from the sight of the waffle making epson peak of technology. All will be well. I will endure'....
I sit down and quickly stroke my eyebrows, calming them down. "Easy boys... easy.. its only a dang printer...
I will not think about this. I am going to go buy that Islander and Island hop.. I will treat myself to something good. I will not let Advanced, expensive, peak-technology printers get the best of me.
Now, for those that are thinking of spending $200.00 or more on a printer you think will last you more then 365 days (exactly to the hour), think again. Think of this saga. Be warned.......!
Bill
