The Female Demerit System....this is hysterical!!!!

[Navy Chief]

I laughed so hard my sides hurt!

The Female Demerit System

In the world of romance, one single rule applies: Make the woman happy. Do something she likes and you get points. Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted. You don't get any points for doing something she expects. Sorry, that's the way the game is played.


Here is a guide to the point system:


SIMPLE DUTIES

You make the bed (+1)

You make the bed, but forget the decorative pillow (0)

You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets (-1)

You go out to buy her what she wants (+5) in the rain (+8)

But return with Beer (-5)


You check out a suspicious noise at night (+1)

You check out a suspicious noise, and it is nothing (0)

You check out a suspicious noise and it is something (+5)

You pummel it with iron rod (+10)

It's her pet (-20)


SOCIAL ENGAGEMENTS

You stay by her side the entire party (0)

You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with an old school friend (-2)

Named Tina (-10)

Tina is a dancer (-20)

Tina has silicone implants (-80)

HER BIRTHDAY

You take her out to dinner (+2)

You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar (+3)

Okay, it's a sports bar (-2)

And it's all-you-can-eat night (-3)

It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colors of your favorite team (-10)

A NIGHT OUT

You take her to a movie (+1)

You take her to a movie she likes (+3)

You take her to a movie you hate (+6)

You take her to a movie you like (-2)

It's called 'Death Cop' (-3)

You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans (-15)


YOUR PHYSIQUE

You develop a noticeable potbelly (-15)

You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it (+10)

You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to baggy jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts (-30)

You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too." (-8000)

THE BIG QUESTION

She asks, "Do I look fat?" (-5) (Yes, you lose points no matter what)

You hesitate in responding (-10)

You reply, "Where?" (-35)

Any other response (-20)

COMMUNICATION

When she wants to talk about a problem, you listen, displaying what looks like a concerned expression (0)

You listen, for over 30 minutes (+50)

You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV (+500)

She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep (-4000)

 

[txnetcop]

Been laughing all morning-'cause it's TRUE and poor Hobbit is thinking about getting involved again...OH LORD!
Ted

 

[HouseHobbit]

Been laughing all morning-'cause it's TRUE and poor Hobbit is thinking about getting involved again...OH LORD!
Ted

This isn't good, I haven't even decided if any of this will happen..
And I am already -44, 380 points in the Hole..

Man if all of this is true, I am already I trouble..
Thanks for the warning txnetcop..:ernae:

 

[coolguy3]

Navy Chief - That's PRICELESS, LOL! (Because it's absolutely true!)

 

[johnh_049]

That raises the age old question...
If a man is alone in a forest and speaks his mind,
is he still wrong??

 

[b52bob]

Remember this golden rule also..... Unless you know FOR SURE, never congratulate a woman on being pregnant.

 

[n4gix]

THE BIG QUESTION

She asks, "Do I look fat?" (-5) (Yes, you lose points no matter what)

You hesitate in responding (-10)

You reply, "Where?" (-35)

Any other response (-20)

The only "safe" answer is "Absolutely not dear!" (0)

Do not even think you can get away with any lesser form of prevarication. She'll "hear" whatever you're thinking...

 

[txnetcop]

Remember this golden rule also..... Unless you know FOR SURE, never congratulate a woman on being pregnant.

Made that mistake in an elevator...I couldn't get outta there fast enough!!!

 

[wiltzei]

Here´s a free tip how to console your spouse after a mishap with stove, and the tip is really worth of it´s price! (+- 6969) Disclaimer: This may, but probably won´t work.

 

[Navy Chief]

The two most important words a man must learn to say before he gets married:

"Yes dear"

Oh.......and "You are right" is also advisable too

Me? I am HAPPILY single, and plan to stay that way.

Been there, done that....three times.

NC

 

[Railrunner130]

Any old way we lose.

 

[stansdds]

This isn't good, I haven't even decided if any of this will happen..
And I am already -44, 380 points in the Hole..

Man if all of this is true, I am already I trouble..
Thanks for the warning txnetcop..:ernae:

It is true, but don't worry, I'm so deep in that hole that sunlight can't even be piped in to me, you'll never get that deep... than again...

 

[coolguy3]

The two most important words a man must learn to say before he gets married:

"Yes dear"

Oh.......and "You are right" is also advisable too

Me? I am HAPPILY single, and plan to stay that way.

Been there, done that....three times.

NC

Hey NC - you forgot "I'm sorry!"

Here's my list (in conversational order) -

1. "Yes, dear"
2. "You're right"
3. "I'm wrong"
4. "I'm sorry"
5. "Can we have sex now?" ("No?,well then, I'll have another uh oh, I just lost 5 more points!")

 

[Tracon]

You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too." (-8000)

lmao

 

[alain95]

Here´s a free tip how to console your spouse after a mishap with stove, and the tip is really worth of it´s price! (+- 6969) Disclaimer: This may, but probably won´t work.

I could be -15000 with that answer but really Enjoy that picture !
:ernae:

 

[limjack]

That raises the age old question...
If a man is alone in a forest and speaks his mind,
is he still wrong??

In my case the desert,

 

[GT182]

That raises the age old question...
If a man is alone in a forest and speaks his mind,
is he still wrong??

Yes... because she can hear him.

Hobbit.... do you know the meaning of co-habitate? There's no licensing involved, if you get what I mean. Safer too. LOL

 

[txnetcop]

Ya better watch that co-habitation stuff...in my state after one year you are considered man and wife if you signed anything together.