Funniest Sports Quotes Ever...

[Cloud9Gal]

Following are the top 10 classic comments made by sports commentators -- mostly British -- that they would like to take back.

1. Weightlifting commentator at the women's Olympic Snatch and Jerk Event: "This is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning during her warm up, and it was amazing!"

2. Ted Walsh, horse racing commentator: "This is really a lovely horse, and I speak from personal experience since I once mounted her mother."

3. Grand Prix Race announcer: "The lead car is absolutely, truly unique, except for the one behind it which is exactly identical to the one front of the similar one in back."

4. Greg Norman, pro golfer: "I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father."

5. Ringside boxing analyst: "Sure there have been injuries and even some deaths in boxing -- but none of them really that serious."

6. Baseball announcer: "If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again."

7. Basketball analyst: "He dribbles a lot and the opposition doesn't like it. In fact you can see it all over their faces."

8. At a trophy ceremony, BBC TV boat race 1988: "Ah, isn't that nice, the wife of the Cambridge president is hugging the cox of the Oxford crew."

9. Metro Radio, college football: "Julian Dicks is everywhere. It's like they've got eleven Dicks on the field."

10. U.S. Open TV commentator: "One of the reasons Arnie Palmer is playing so well is that, before each final round, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them. ... Oh, my God, what have I just said?"

 

[Kiwikat]

I dunno if it is funny to anyone else but I remember Brett Favre starting up the Daytona 500 with "gentlemen, let's get it on". Was kind of funny to me.

 

[rpjkw]

It's a toss up between #1 and #9. LMAO. Thanks for posting.

Bob

 

[Cazzie]

My contribution:

Robin Williams at the 2005 Tour de France:

In a fake French accent, "Oui, I am a bisexual on team Viagra".

Caz

 

[GT182]

Good ones C9G. Nothing like a bit of red faced banter to to make the day.

Here's one. While at a funeral years ago for a girlfriend's mother's funeral, a friend walked up to me and asked in front of her and everyone else... "How are ya?" Out of the blue I replied.... "Alive and kickin!" Talk about embarassed and wanting to hide.

 

[lifejogger]

Those are funny thanks for posting.

 

[rayrey10]

Hilarious! Thanks for posting C9G.

Another good one is from Joe Theismann:

"The word "genius" isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."


WHO?

 

[Snuffy]

During a horse racing event, one of the horses slated to particpate was called Harass. (The PA official pronounced it HERass,) Unfortunately just before the race, something happened to either the horse or the jockey, I don't remember which, but in order for everyone at the race track to correct their picks for the race, the public was told that Harass wouldn't be running. It went something like this:

"Ladies and Gentlemen, Your attention! We have just been informed that Harass will not run ... Harass will not run. Be sure to scratch Harass!"

 

[PRB]

Good ones C9G. Nothing like a bit of red faced banter to to make the day.

Here's one. While at a funeral years ago for a girlfriend's mother's funeral, a friend walked up to me and asked in front of her and everyone else... "How are ya?" Out of the blue I replied.... "Alive and kickin!" Talk about embarassed and wanting to hide.

At my Dad’s funeral, one of my sisters wanted to ask if there was going to be an honor guard with a “gun salute”, since he was a WW-II veteran. But, she got her terminology mixed up and she asked “will there be a firing squad?” My oldest sister, without skipping a beat, answered, “well I think it’s a little late for that…” We couldn’t stop laughing for hours over that one…

Those were funny, C9G!

 

[Chacha]

At my Dad’s funeral, one of my sisters wanted to ask if there was going to be an honor guard with a “gun salute”, since he was a WW-II veteran. But, she got her terminology mixed up and she asked “will there be a firing squad?” My oldest sister, without skipping a beat, answered, “well I think it’s a little late for that…” We couldn’t stop laughing for hours over that one…

Those were funny, C9G!

Hilarious Paul....

You gave me a laugh C9G... thanks!

 

[OBIO]

C9G

Thanks for posting that.....had me laughing really hard.

What is it about funerals and humor? When my mother passed away back in 1989, we were at the viewing the night before the funeral...and a bunch of us were gathered around in the back of the room talking about mom...and out of the blue I began telling all the really funny things about mom and my "encounters" with her wrath. There I was telling these true...but highly funny...accounts of the many times I made Mom mad, of the many times she used entire Oak trees to beat the living day lights out of me....and I was surrounded by a couple dozen people who were laughing so hard they were crying. It seems that in our darkest hours, we can still need laughter in our hearts to keep them beating.

 

[Bjoern]

Hahahahaha!

The football (soccer) world also makes for some great quotes.

(Andreas Möller, about his possible future club)
"Barcelona, Milan...doesn't matter, as long as it's in Italy."

"The Swedes aren't the Dutch. You've seen that really well."
(Franz Beckenbauer)

"Penalty kicks are somehow like cars and women - a pure matter of luck."
(Juri Sawitschew)

"It was great, it was awesome, it was like a nightmare!"
(Torsten Legat)

"Well, I told him that verbally."
(Mario Basler)

"For me, there's only "either-or", so either fully or totally."
(Toni Polster)

"Hate doesn't belong into the stadium. People have to live out their emotions at home with their wives."
(Berti Vogts)

"Congratulations to Marco Kurz. His wife has become a daddy for the second time."
(Thomas Häßler)

"I don't need a servant, I've got a young wife."
(Thomas Doll)

"I'll go somewhere south, maybe Canada or so."
(Mehmet Scholl)

"I don't think we would have lost the game if it had ended 1-1."
(Uli Hoeneß)

"I hope that this game wasn't be my only debut."
(Sebastian Deisler)

:d

 

[bobmay]

<meta http-equiv="CONTENT-TYPE" content="text/html; charset=utf-8"><title></title><meta name="GENERATOR" content="OpenOffice.org 3.1 (Win32)"><style type="text/css"> <!-- @page { margin: 2cm } P { margin-bottom: 0.21cm } --> </style> A few more howlers from British TV



MICHAEL Buerk watching Phillipa Forrester cuddle a male
astronomer for warmth during BBC1's eclipse coverage remarked: "They seem
cold out there, they're rubbing each other and he's come in his shorts."

HERE is Ken Brown commentating on golfer Nick Faldo and his
caddie Fanny Sunneson lining-up shots at the Scottish Open: "Some
weeks Nick likes to use Fanny, other weeks he prefers to do it by himself."

ULRIKA Jonsson was a humble GMTV weathergirl talking about
snowfall when she revealed: "I had a good eight inches last
night."

LORRAINE Kelly on GMTV: "This year's hairstyle is called a shag
and our resident stylist is here to give our model one."

MIKE Hallett discussing missed snooker shots on Sky Sports:
"Stephen Hendry jumps on Steve Davis's misses every chance he
gets."


DAVID Dickinson, talking about an antique door-knocker on
Bargain Hunt, said to expert Nigel Smith: "You're a bit of a knockers
man."
"Yes," he replied. "I've come across quite a few in my time."

HERE is Chris Tarrant discussing the first 'Who wants to be a Millionaire' winner
Judith Keppel on This Morning: "She was practising fastest
finger first by herself in bed last night."

ROSS King discussing relays with champion runner Phil Redmond:
"Well Phil, tell us about your amazing third leg."

BEATRICE Hillyer was discussing the availability of fresh water
in Baghdad when she informed TVam viewers: "Just after the
liberation, I was getting it twice a day in my hotel room."

CRICKETER Neil Fairbrother hit a single during a Durham v
Lancashire match, inspiring Bobby Simpson to observe: "With his lovely
soft hands he just tossed it off."

JAMES Allen interviewing Ralf Schumacher at a Grand Prix,
asked: "What does it feel like being rammed up the backside by
Barrichello?"

Steve Ryder covering the US Masters: "Ballesteros felt much
better today after a 69."





STEVE Cram covering the men's 200 metres at the World Athletics
Championships: "Pumping away, Marlon Devonish has got the
Olympic champion inside him."



CHAIN Letters host Allan Stewart was discussing a 6ft 5in
contestant called Richard when he told two women competitors:
"That's enough Dick for both of you."

EXPERT David Batty was examining a bowl with a pineapple-shaped
lid on Antiques Roadshow when he exclaimed: "This is the most
magical, wonderful knob I have ever seen."

BEST TILL LAST
CARENZA Lewis about finding food in the Middle Ages on 'Time
Team Live' said: "You'd eat beaver if you could get it."

 

[Ken Stallings]

The red faces were on display soon after each was said!

Excellent!

Ken

 

[cheezyflier]

i can't believe you guys left out bob uecker. funniest guy in baseball

"In 1962 I was named Minor League Player of the Year. It was my second season in the bigs."

"I had slumps that lasted into the winter."

"If a guy hits .300 every year, what does he have to look forward to? I always tried to stay around .190, with three or four RBI. And I tried to get them all in September. That way I always had something to talk about during the winter"

"When I came up to bat with three men on and two outs in the ninth, I looked in the other team's dugout and they were already in street clothes."

"Sure, women sportswriters look when they're in the clubhouse. Read their stories. How else do you explain a capital letter in the middle of a word?"

 

[Bjoern]

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LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL!

Darn, those are awesome! :d