Anna -
I sympathize. I had similar mixed feelings a few years ago when trying to play U-boat simulations - Aces of the Deep and Silent Hunter III. I'd followed the subject for years - I read the novel Das Boot years before the film came out, and then I saw the film in all its different versions. But when it came time to actually take on the role of U-boat commander, that felt different, and I couldn't do it happily. My ancestry is Ukranian-Jewish, and none of my family who stayed in Ukraine survived. The first time I was confronted with an Allied troopship, and thought about the situation - having to massacre Allied troops on their way to try to end Nazi control of Europe - well, I couldn't get any enjoyment out of it. I probably had that in common with at least some of the officers of the Kriegsmarine but to me, it wasn't a source of entertainment and I gave it up.
But I continue to try to read about the subject and understand the circumstances and motivations of everyone on all sides. Just recently, in coming back up to speed about the air war over Europe (thanks to the A2A B-17), I went through Harry Crosby's memoir,
A Wing and a Prayer, in which he talks about the enormous respect the U.S. aircrews developed for the Luftwaffe; I'm now partway through Caldwell and Muller's
The Luftwaffe Over Germany, trying to get a better sense of the pilots and units who fought against the Eighth Air Force.
I've never flown a simulated Luftwaffe aircraft, but when A2A gives one the Accusim treatment, I will. I'll try to tell myself that I'm getting a better sense of the lives of the pilots who wound up in it. Would I want to fly it in a simulated combat campaign? Probably not.
A few other points - you could always, in your own mind, cast yourself and your B-17 in some other role. Especially if our great repainters get inspired, it might be a maritime patrol aircraft, or some civilian variant, or a modern airshow aircraft (that's how many of us treat it), or even an aircraft of the
Zirkus Rosarius or
KG200 (though that would have you serving in the wartime Luftwaffe, and your comments suggest you might have mixed feelings about that).
Nathan, who's done a slew of A2A B-17 repaints, already offers an RAF Coastal Command unit and several of the Israeli Air Force (an interesting aside - the Israeli Air Force also flew the Skoda-built
Avia S-199 version of the BF109).
His site is down temporarily but if you go to the link, his contact information is up and he's open to request.
I hope this helps and I hope you continue to be able to enjoy the B-17 - it's an amazing experience.
Best,
Alan