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Sibling problems

Navy Chief

Navy Chief

Senior Member
July of 2011 I moved to Sanibel Island, and moved into my sisters house. The idea was a cheap place for me to live, on a beautiful island; plus take care of her house, as she lives in Indy. So it was a win win situation. Emphasis on the past tense...."was".

My sister is a very controlling individual. Always has been. Tomorrow I move the rest of my belongings from the house, as I moved in with my fiancée in Fort Myers.

The upshot of all of this? Well most likely tomorrow will signal the end of a relationship with my younger sister. We have an older sister who caused problems for both of us, and we haven't spoken to her in many years. So I guess we will all be estranged.

Such is life, but I am over being talked down to, and being demeaned. Enough is enough....

I just felt like spouting off. Thanks for listening.

NC
 
Navy Chief said:
July of 2011 I moved to Sanibel Island, and moved into my sisters house. The idea was a cheap place for me to live, on a beautiful island; plus take care of her house, as she lives in Indy. So it was a win win situation. Emphasis on the past tense...."was".

My sister is a very controlling individual. Always has been. Tomorrow I move the rest of my belongings from the house, as I moved in with my fiancée in Fort Myers.

The upshot of all of this? Well most likely tomorrow will signal the end of a relationship with my younger sister. We have an older sister who caused problems for both of us, and we haven't spoken to her in many years. So I guess we will all be estranged.

Such is life, but I am over being talked down to, and being demeaned. Enough is enough....

I just felt like spouting off. Thanks for listening.

NC
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this is not isloated , globally we deal with family issues as such many times over , but the real success and love , is being able to forgive , and not to hold any baggage , there is no right and wrong its what works for you and your life .


ive been there , and learnt to not hold negative energy on this stuff and make sure i leave with love and open heart .... but most of all .... your number 1 and never forget it
 
Gee, Chief, sorry to hear about this.

I retired from govt service in 2010. My mother-in-law was living here on the island in her own home, but I knew she was having financial problems from what my wife was telling me. Seems she couldn't keep a renter in either rental unit to save her life, and most of those who did remain paid perhaps the first month's rent, sometimes the second but then had trouble from then on and just couldn't seem to meet their bills. They usually welshed on everything they owed her and left the units a mess to boot. My thought was to come down here (our own home is on the island) and rent one of the units from her, while at the same time keeping our tenants in our own home. The idea was to give my MIL a steady income from at least one rental unit, and hopefully ease her passage through her last few years. My wife stepped up to the plate to become the property manager for the other unit, and from that point on we had reliable tenants. What I didn't know when we came down here was her sister and her sister's husband were living rent-free in the main house, with access to a fine big kitchen plus the entire house as well, while we were confined to a 400-sq-foot two-story unit we paid $1,000 per month for. Kitchen counter-top space is equal to a travel atlas in size. I'll be 60 in July - my in-laws are 67 or 68 without a pot to piddle in due to some poor planning and splurging early on in life. He drinks a lot, she has other ways to pass the time and take her mind off her problems. This state of affairs has reduced my sister-in-law to a nervous wreck, dunning letters and phone calls coming to the main house all the time, no funds to cover all expenses, living hand-to-mouth. There should never be more than one queen to a home, and there was conflict between she and my MIL while she was alive. Tough to stand by and watch the way the old girl was treated. This constant tension, brittleness and instability has brought my wife to tears more than once. MIL passed away on MLK day, and since then we've been dealing with the aftermath. Lots of people become grasping at a time like this and this bunch was no exception. They're her family, not mine, but it's tough to stand by and watch them treat my wife like they did. What a way to mourn your mother's passing - the whole group convening in the den of the main house and not a sober one in the bunch (over a dozen) except my wife. We'll be moving into our own home here on the island soon. We'll be staying the two years required by law to not get dinged by the capital gains tax on former rental property, but after that we're outta here hopefully for those Tennessee mountains. Just remember - no good deed goes unpunished!
 
Sorry Chief,You do not need this....When will all get the message that life is short..When we are kids or young nothing can shake us..but later,when we are a bit more vulnerable,and it hurts...Why do some family members think they can behave to other family members with No respect?.No Care? No Love? and cruelly?.....Sadly the day will come,this when we pass on.Then it way to late to say I'm sorry....however yer a tough guy..You will be OK,a new adventure.....But,sadly, this is not uncommon in many families.

My wife was ,a super Mom,raised our four kids to love and respect one an other.,to look out for each other,if one falls ,all will pick he,or her up..They are all middle age now..and a band of brothers and sisters like you never seen....good luck..Move on..do not look back....Vin
 
As the old saying goes, you can choose your friends but you cannot choose your family.
I think most of us can relate and sympathise to your issues at the moment. Good luck.
 
Darn Chief. I remember your optimism when you moved in. It all sounded too good to be true and I guess it was. I hope tht it's all just a temporary problem or a small a bump in the road for you.
 
Thank you all for your support and advice. I am quite happy, living at my fiancées house. Sanibel was peaceful (except during snowbird season), but so much to see in Fort Myers. I am volunteering at the school my fiancée teaches at, so am kept busy. Much better than being alone in that man cave, and drinking way too much. So am looking on the bright side. As for my meddling sister? Well, if she chooses to continue her behavior, my decision will be simple: see ya.

NC
 
That's the attitude to take. I've already had one heart attack, not going to have another, certainly not caused by this BS. My choice, backed up by medical personnel plus my daughter-in-law (pretty smart girl) is not to get upset but just stay away from it all. No anger, no recriminations - just keep 'em at arm's length. You've got a supportive (soon-to-be) spouse which goes a LONG way. I spent 23 years with guys like you. You can - and will - handle this!!:salute:
 
Sorry to hear about the problems with your sister NC. Kind of makes me wonder how things would be between me and my brothers and sister if we weren't scattered out between the North Carolina coast to Texas. As it is, we see just enough of each other to be tickled to get together without any trouble starting
 
Willy, there is a term authors and poets used to use to describe this phenomenon - it's called "the charm of distance." It never, never, never lasts with close proximity.:blind:
 
We're all guilty of thinking we act perfectly reasonable and sane. In reality, it is very hard to look objectively at one's own actions and how they are perceived by others. This happens between family members as well as for instance collegues. NC, without getting too "girly" on you:female:, maybe it's time to talk to your sister and say "Hey sis, you're doing (insert her action that annoys you)<her you="" annoys="" that="" action="" her="" you<insert=""> and to me it comes across like you're (insert how her action comes across)<explain you="" action="" her="" about="" feel="" you<whatever="" on="" has="" effect="" what="">". In other words, try to explain to her the impact her actions have on you. She may not have realised that. Walking away now may seem the most logical thing to do, but sometimes people regret that kind of action later on in life when it is too late. After all, "blood is thicker than water".

Best of luck to you in dealing with this unfortunate situation:icon29:.</explain></her>
 
Well, as things turned out, today wasn't a bad one.

I rented a U-Haul, drove to Sanibel, and removed all my things. Talked to sis on the phone (she lives in Indy).

For now at least, things are ok. I do believe, however, that getting all my belongings from her house was a positive step. I am no longer under her scrutiny, and my life is continuing quite happily.

So, again, thank you ALL for your comments. It is a wonderful thing to know friends do care! NC
 
My sister and her entire family live in Phoenix which is over 2,000 miles from Norfolk, and I am quite happy to have them at such a substantial distance from me.
 
I can sympathize, when my mother passed, my accountant brother was the executor of her will. I can still hear the anguish in his voice when a few weeks later he called to tell me that our younger brother had basically stolen every penny she had along with all that her sister, my aunt, had. The scum had fleeced two elderly women out of everything they had worked hard to put away and were left destitute. May he rot in Hell.
 
TARPSBird said:
My sister and her entire family live in Phoenix which is over 2,000 miles from Norfolk, and I am quite happy to have them at such a substantial distance from me.
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And they have causing a lot of trouble here so I'm sorry to say we are sending them back! :bump:
 
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