From an old deep water Navy friend.
On some air bases, the Air Force is on one side of the field and civilian aircraft
use the other side of the field with the control tower in the middle. One day,
the tower received a call from an aircraft asking, "What time is it?"
The tower responded, "Who is calling?"
The aircraft replied, "What difference does it make?"
The tower replied, "It makes a lot of difference ... If it is a commercial flight,
it's 3 o'clock. If it is an Air Force plane, it is 1500 hours. If it Is a Navy aircraft,
it's 6 bells. If it is an Army aircraft, the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand
is on the 3. If it is a Marine Corps aircraft, it's Thursday afternoon and 2 hours
to "Happy Hour."
_____________________________<wbr>___
During training exercises, the Lieutenant who was driving down a muddy back
road encountered another car stuck in the mud with a red-faced Colonel at the
wheel.
"Your jeep stuck, sir?" asked the Lieutenant as he pulled alongside.
"Nope," replied the Colonel, coming over and handing him the keys ... "Yours is."
_____________________________
Having just moved into his new office, a pompous, new Colonel is sitting at his desk
when an Airman knocked on the door. Conscious of his new position, the Colonel
quickly picks up the phone, tells the Airman to enter, then says into the phone,
"Yes, General, I'll be seeing him this afternoon and I'll pass along your message.
In the meantime, thank you for your good wishes, sir." Feeling as though he had
sufficiently impressed the young enlisted man, he asked, "What do you want?"
"Nothing important, sir," the Airman replies, "I'm just here to hook up your phone."
[FONT="]
[/FONT] _____________________________<wbr>___
Officer: "Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?"
Soldier: "Sure, buddy."
Officer: "That's no way to address an officer! Now let's try it
again! Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?"
Soldier: "NO, SIR!!!"
_____________________________<wbr>___
Q: How do you know if there's a fighter pilot at your party?
A: He'll tell you.
Q: What's the difference between God and a fighter pilot?
A: God doesn't think he's a fighter pilot.
Q: What's the difference between a fighter pilot and a jet engine?
A: A jet engine stops whining when the pilot shuts it down.
_____________________________<wbr>___
An Air Force Chief Master Sergeant and a General were sitting in
the barbershop. They were both just getting finished with their
shaves, when the barbers reached for some after-shave to slap
on their faces.
The General shouted, "Hey, don't put that stuff on me! My wife
will think I've been in a whorehouse!"
The Chief turned to his barber and said, "Go ahead and put it on.
My wife doesn't know what the inside of a whorehouse smells like."
[FONT="]
[/FONT] _____________________________<wbr>___
"Well," snarled the tough old Navy Chief to the bewildered Seaman,
"I suppose after you get discharged from the Navy, you'll just be
waiting for me to die so you can come and piss on my grave."
"Not me, Chief!" the Seaman replied. "Once I get out of the Navy,
I'm never going to stand in line again!"
On some air bases, the Air Force is on one side of the field and civilian aircraft
use the other side of the field with the control tower in the middle. One day,
the tower received a call from an aircraft asking, "What time is it?"
The tower responded, "Who is calling?"
The aircraft replied, "What difference does it make?"
The tower replied, "It makes a lot of difference ... If it is a commercial flight,
it's 3 o'clock. If it is an Air Force plane, it is 1500 hours. If it Is a Navy aircraft,
it's 6 bells. If it is an Army aircraft, the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand
is on the 3. If it is a Marine Corps aircraft, it's Thursday afternoon and 2 hours
to "Happy Hour."
_____________________________<wbr>___
During training exercises, the Lieutenant who was driving down a muddy back
road encountered another car stuck in the mud with a red-faced Colonel at the
wheel.
"Your jeep stuck, sir?" asked the Lieutenant as he pulled alongside.
"Nope," replied the Colonel, coming over and handing him the keys ... "Yours is."
_____________________________
Having just moved into his new office, a pompous, new Colonel is sitting at his desk
when an Airman knocked on the door. Conscious of his new position, the Colonel
quickly picks up the phone, tells the Airman to enter, then says into the phone,
"Yes, General, I'll be seeing him this afternoon and I'll pass along your message.
In the meantime, thank you for your good wishes, sir." Feeling as though he had
sufficiently impressed the young enlisted man, he asked, "What do you want?"
"Nothing important, sir," the Airman replies, "I'm just here to hook up your phone."
[FONT="]
[/FONT] _____________________________<wbr>___
Officer: "Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?"
Soldier: "Sure, buddy."
Officer: "That's no way to address an officer! Now let's try it
again! Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?"
Soldier: "NO, SIR!!!"
_____________________________<wbr>___
Q: How do you know if there's a fighter pilot at your party?
A: He'll tell you.
Q: What's the difference between God and a fighter pilot?
A: God doesn't think he's a fighter pilot.
Q: What's the difference between a fighter pilot and a jet engine?
A: A jet engine stops whining when the pilot shuts it down.
_____________________________<wbr>___
An Air Force Chief Master Sergeant and a General were sitting in
the barbershop. They were both just getting finished with their
shaves, when the barbers reached for some after-shave to slap
on their faces.
The General shouted, "Hey, don't put that stuff on me! My wife
will think I've been in a whorehouse!"
The Chief turned to his barber and said, "Go ahead and put it on.
My wife doesn't know what the inside of a whorehouse smells like."
[FONT="]
[/FONT] _____________________________<wbr>___
"Well," snarled the tough old Navy Chief to the bewildered Seaman,
"I suppose after you get discharged from the Navy, you'll just be
waiting for me to die so you can come and piss on my grave."
"Not me, Chief!" the Seaman replied. "Once I get out of the Navy,
I'm never going to stand in line again!"
:salute: