Hey all,
I feel like I'm doing an Obio... (no offense intended Obio) I never get this personal...
Five (5) days before Father's Day I found out my Dad is riddled with cancer. The doctors say he has an optimistic 6 months. He was very bad off but I know he is like me (or vice versa) - never go to a doctor till you can't take it any more... Anyway he may be a bit better than he was but still 40 lost pounds later and a lot of other bad signs... It is a shock but he will be 84 next month so he is up there in years and stuff happens - as we all know. It is nowhere near the shock of my mom passing a month shy of 52 about 25 years ago. Still..
We've basically been estranged - I've seen him only once since 1979 - my brother's - his second son's funeral two years ago and rarely before 1979 into the early 60s. No hard feelings - just didn't happen. That said the whys and wherefores don't matter now. Eternity will deal with them. My dad was basically a farmer who couldn't since my grandfather wouldn't expand the wheat farm as he was so afraid of debt after the great depression and there weren't enough acres for two families and and so Dad became a trucker until he retired. I still remember when he and my mom flew to Detroit to drive his first new dump truck home to Montana in 60 or 61. I can relate as I know the satisfaction of looking out the windshield seeing country and feeling that cummins diesel in my pickup... Anyway he wasn't home and a marriage went south even though he had 5 kids - me the oldest. He did send money but that is not what kids need... I grew up early quickly figuring in my head that my role was to be responsible, help my mom and never be or have a problem - actually not a good way to be - I know. A major part of my life come He!! or high water has been dedicated to not not being home when it matters for my kids no matter what.
Now I have a daughter and a son - 18 - and definitely his stubborn father's son. Over 10 years of guitar lessons and he is now a metalhead which he knows I don't care for - however a couple weeks ago he sticks a CD in the Xterra of one of his very favorite bands and I'm thinkin oh no. A song comes on and then another - I really like them and listen to them alot. I thought I'd share one with you.
I've much to think about before I go see my dad in a couple weeks and even more to reconcile hopefully before I help my brother and sisters spread his ashes on the high line in northern Montana later this year - unless he fools everyone which I would not put past him. Hopefully the day will come when I can talk to my son about his grandfather and an entire side of a family that he has only met once.
If you've still got a father that is alive cherish him - I do as odd as it might sound. It was a comfort just knowing he was out there and I know he is his father's son and I knew his father probably better than him. Blood and family are always thicker than water - no matter what. Happy Father's Day even though I'm late.
Sorry - I must be gettin old and soft as I would normally never breathe a word of this to anyone.
-Ed-
I feel like I'm doing an Obio... (no offense intended Obio) I never get this personal...
Five (5) days before Father's Day I found out my Dad is riddled with cancer. The doctors say he has an optimistic 6 months. He was very bad off but I know he is like me (or vice versa) - never go to a doctor till you can't take it any more... Anyway he may be a bit better than he was but still 40 lost pounds later and a lot of other bad signs... It is a shock but he will be 84 next month so he is up there in years and stuff happens - as we all know. It is nowhere near the shock of my mom passing a month shy of 52 about 25 years ago. Still..
We've basically been estranged - I've seen him only once since 1979 - my brother's - his second son's funeral two years ago and rarely before 1979 into the early 60s. No hard feelings - just didn't happen. That said the whys and wherefores don't matter now. Eternity will deal with them. My dad was basically a farmer who couldn't since my grandfather wouldn't expand the wheat farm as he was so afraid of debt after the great depression and there weren't enough acres for two families and and so Dad became a trucker until he retired. I still remember when he and my mom flew to Detroit to drive his first new dump truck home to Montana in 60 or 61. I can relate as I know the satisfaction of looking out the windshield seeing country and feeling that cummins diesel in my pickup... Anyway he wasn't home and a marriage went south even though he had 5 kids - me the oldest. He did send money but that is not what kids need... I grew up early quickly figuring in my head that my role was to be responsible, help my mom and never be or have a problem - actually not a good way to be - I know. A major part of my life come He!! or high water has been dedicated to not not being home when it matters for my kids no matter what.
Now I have a daughter and a son - 18 - and definitely his stubborn father's son. Over 10 years of guitar lessons and he is now a metalhead which he knows I don't care for - however a couple weeks ago he sticks a CD in the Xterra of one of his very favorite bands and I'm thinkin oh no. A song comes on and then another - I really like them and listen to them alot. I thought I'd share one with you.
I've much to think about before I go see my dad in a couple weeks and even more to reconcile hopefully before I help my brother and sisters spread his ashes on the high line in northern Montana later this year - unless he fools everyone which I would not put past him. Hopefully the day will come when I can talk to my son about his grandfather and an entire side of a family that he has only met once.
If you've still got a father that is alive cherish him - I do as odd as it might sound. It was a comfort just knowing he was out there and I know he is his father's son and I knew his father probably better than him. Blood and family are always thicker than water - no matter what. Happy Father's Day even though I'm late.
Sorry - I must be gettin old and soft as I would normally never breathe a word of this to anyone.
-Ed-
