You're right about the planes in IL2. Their philosophy, which has carried over into their current products, is to make the planes authentically demanding, without taking into account that the sim player has so much less sensory feedback than an actual pilot, and doesn't fly the same plane every day with dozens or hundreds of hours of experience. The only way to compensate for this is to dial back the skittishness, which most of the FSX/P3D/MSFS and even DCS devs do, but they don't. Still, the IL2 planes are fun once mastered.
Once you're set up, duplicate your install and then go to sas1946.com to install B.A.T., the mother of all mods for this game, which expands it to all eras with almost every conceivable warplane to fly. The quality of the planes varies but some are very good. It ends up being like War Thunder but without having to grind for good planes or get griefed by jerks. It's the only shooty sim that I still play in shooty mode, a worthy successor to European Air War.
August