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my first thread

G

grog swiller

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This one's for gun lovers. I'm not a fanatic or a Texan (although I lived in Texas for a few years), just thought this was funny.


Seems a Texan makes a rolling stop at a stop sign, and gets pulled over by a local policeman. Guy hands the cop his driver's license, insurance verification, plus his concealed weapon permit.

"Okay, Mr. Smith," the cop says, "I see your Concealed Weapon permit. Are you carrying today?"

"Yes, I am."

"Well then, better tell me what you got."

Smith says, "Well, I got a .357 revolver in my inside coat pocket. There's a 9mm semi-auto in the glove box. And, I've got a .22 magnum derringer in my right boot."

"Okay," the cop says. "Anything else?"

"Yeah, back in the trunk, there's an AR-15 and a shotgun. That's about it."

"Mr. Smith, are you on your way to or from a gun range?"

"Nope."

"Well then, what are you afraid of?"

"Absolutely nothing.”


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Pretty good ! and, welcome.

Reminds me of the story about a Sheriff at a party questioned by a woman about whether he was carrying a pistol. He replied in the affirmative and she said "Oh, well, you must be expecting trouble !" To which he responded "oh, no ma'am - if I was expecting trouble I'd have brought my shotgun".

:running:
 
Speaking of Guns...

<!--StartFragment -->
THE GUNFIGHTER:

A young cowboy, sitting in a saloon one Saturday night, recognized an elderly man standing at the bar who, in his day, had been the fastest gun in the West.

The young cowboy took a place next to the ol'-timer, bought him a drink and told him of his ambition to be a great shot... "Could you give me some tips?" he asked.

The ol'-timer said, "Well, for one thing, you're wearing your gun too high tie the holster a little lower down on your leg."

"Will that make me a better gunfighter?" asked the cowboy.

"Sure will," replied the ol' man.

The young man did as he was told, stood up, whipped out his .44 and shot the bow tie off the piano player.

"That's terrific!" said the cowboy. "Got any more tips?"

"Yep," said the ol'-timer. "Cut a notch out of your holster where the hammer hits it - that¹ll give you a smoother draw."

"Will that make me a better gunfighter?" asked the young cowboy.

"You bet it will," said the ol'-timer.

The young man took out his knife, cut the notch, stood up, drew his gun in a blur, and then shot a cuff link off the piano player.

"Wow!" exclaimed the cowboy. "I'm learnin' somethin' here. Got any more tips?" he asked again.

The ol'-timer pointed to a large can in a corner of the saloon. "See that axle grease over there? Coat your gun with it."

The young shooter smeared some of the grease on the barrel of his gun.

"No," said the ol'-timer, "I mean smear it all over the gun, handle and all."

"Will that make me a better gunfighter?" asked the young cowboy.

"No." said the ol'-timer, "But when Wyatt Earp gets done playing the piano, he's gonna shove that gun up your arse, and it won't hurt as much."<?xml:namespace prefix = o /><o:p></o:p>
 
Speaking of Guns and old men:

There was this mining town and on main street in front of the saloon a young Gunfighter was

always bullying people around. He was shooting at people's feet and making them dance. The

young Gunfighter looked up on the mountain road above town one day and saw an Old Miner

leading his beloved pack mule into town. When the Miner tied his donkey in front of the saloon

the young Gunfighter said, "Hey Old Man, have you ever danced?" The old miner said "No, and

I've never wanted to." With that answer the young Gunfighter said "Well you're gonna now!", as

he began to shoot at the Miner's feet. The Old Miner, not wanting to get his toes shot off

danced a little jig. The young Gunfighter was getting a kick out of watching the Old Miner

dance. When the Gunfighter had fired his last shot, the Miner pulled his double barrel shotgun

from his pack mule and pointed it at the Gunfighter's astonished face and said, "Young man have

you ever kissed the arse of a mule?" The young Gunfighter said, "No!, but I've always wanted

to!"

:salute:
 
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