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Oh What Foul times are these..In ARMS HERE...

Gnomes might just be the start. If I were you I'd chain myself down just in case the hobbits are next. :running::icon_lol:
 
My ex wife's niece lives in a housing division where they have rules that prohibit "Garden Gnomes", because they are considered tacky. If I lived there (fat chance), I would have a colorful collection in my front yard JUST to spite the bas.....ds.

NC
 
Wait a minute.....

Were these garden gnomes kidnapped?



Or did they make a break for it?
 
If my property could be seen from the road (which it can't); I would put several of those plastic pink flamingos in my yard........
 
Once woke up to see half a dozen garden gnomes queueing at the bus stop over the road. They must have hopped on the next bus as they'd gone 10 mins later. :icon_lol:
 
I take delight in using long rifle 22's to pick em off. Can be great sport. The little buggers are quicker than they look to be. The secret is to anticipate which way they will jump and lead them a little.

:bump:
 
jmig said:
I take delight in using long rifle 22's to pick em off. Can be great sport. The little buggers are quicker than they look to be. The secret is to anticipate which way they will jump and lead them a little.

:bump:
Click to expand...

'What's the perfect way to cook a Gnome?'

One might say; "First tie it up in Goldshire for one hour to numb it's mind, then let an ogre sit on it, then dip it into a pot full of chicken soup with an extra portion of gnome hands, for 30 minutes to make sure it's dead and add a good taste, then throw it into an extra hot part of Molten Core for a long time to roast it before throwing it into a large pot of boiling water, add potatoes, carrots, strawberries, tomatoes, a pinch of salt, and boil for 1 hour."

Another may argue; "Scalp it and leave the skin; it makes a good hors d'oeuvre. Remove the head and light an open fire, in a clearing with something high up to hang the body from. Dangle the skinless Gnome from a rope and let it roast over the flames. Turn over when necessary."
 
I roll mine up in clay and bake them in the embers of the fire. They make a delicious porky smell while cooking, and the flesh is deliciously tender and succulent. I catch them in the garden with rat-traps bailed with thimbles of Scotch whisky. Extremely effective.
 
I don't trust Garden Gnomes...not at all. There is one that lives in my flower garden and that little theiving bloke continually tries to carry off the giant Diamond and Ruby that I keep in the garden. I have caught him red handed so many times, and have taken pictures of him as he was being arrested.....little grubby hands in the air, a smirk on his face and the loot at his feet. I have trained my two dogs to attack the Garden Gnome on sight. Everytime I take them out for a potty, the first thing they do is stick their little noses in the air and catch the scent of the Garden Gnone. Once they have his scent, they are off like rifle bullets...straight into the garden after the plump faced bugger. Oh, the sounds he makes when one or both of the dog get a hold of him. Nothing quite as funny as hearing a Garden Gnome cussing at an 8 pound Chihuahua as she shakes him about by his pointy little hat.

OBIO
 
I have a friend who flies Helitack for the USFS (on contract) and has a Gnome as his copilot. Took a while for Timothy (The Gnome ) to get checked out in Jetrangers since he has trouble reaching the controls....

m5.jpg
 
The ones that have fishing rods are the worst,they wait until you have partaken in the amber nectar:icon29:, then attack you when you get home.:isadizzy:
 
I actually have a cordon of AP mines around my veg patch to keep the little baskets out. Of course, you have to tweak the mines (don't tell Princess Diana...) because otherwise, anything less than about 35 kg won't set them off*. The added value bit is that next door's dog has had to drag himself home minus a limb more than once... Can't stand my neighbours. They're French. Actually, nearly everybody in this country is. Odd...

* If some whining lefty starts telling your that abandoned AP mines are blowing bits off poor little African (et al) children, then two things come to mind. First, why do their parents left them play with them in the first place, but more importantly, how is that possible? If they weigh enough to set off an AP mine, then clearly at 35-45 kg they aren't as undernourished as they make out they are. So next time they start whining about the number of one-legged children in the village, cut the food aid. You'll be doing them a favour.
 
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