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cheezyflier

Charter Member
when i was just a teenager i met this guy, a singular individual. of course, there were many things we both shared a like or dislike for. we had similar tastes in music and cars, for example. in fact, he used to sing for my band. he was a terrible singer. he put so much into it though, none of us had the heart to tell him. we did draw the line when it came to the guitar though. we all loved him, but we had our limitations. when i was homeless with no where to go, his family took me in. they fed me and washed my clothes. we worked together. his father helped me fix one of my first cars. he was my brother in the deepest part of my heart. he was part of my life when my son was born. and when i split with my wife and went nuts for a whole year. we went on adventures together. he was at my hospital bed when i almost died. he was at my wedding before i came to canada. i helped him get off of heroin. then crack. he was on and off with that one for years. the alchohol was the thing that really did a number on him though. strings of dui and single vehicle accidents. eventually it just washed a part of him away. things had gotten bad for him lately, and he started getting depressed. another guy we grew up with gave him a pistol a few months ago when he started talking about suicide.
he used it on himself about 2 hours ago. his sister called me from the trauma center. i think he's gone. part of me wants to throw up. part of me isn't surprised. when i last talked to him i told him to throw that gun in the crick. i wonder if there would have been something i might coulda done if i was down there instead of up here. i was annoyed with him because he was drunk and he's really hard to talk to when he's like that. tbo i can't remember the last time i talked to him when he was sober. now he's gone
 
I feel like I've got to respond but I don't really know what to say. So many of my family members on my mom's side have died or wrecked their lives because of alcohol abuse. Over the years my mom has helped thousands, perhaps over ten thousand people in her 25+ year career as an AODA counselor. She has both tragic and triumphant stories. Alcoholism is such a dangerous disease that affects so many people. It doesn't receive anywhere near as much attention as it should.

I'm sorry to hear about what happened... :frown:
 
I feel your pain CF. man.... That is one heck of a grim story. I am so sorry...



I was just telling my brother last night, alcohol destroys so many peoples lives. I told him that as he has issues himself unfortunately.

Depression is grim. Alcohol feeds that fire. Too bad someone didnt take that gun away sooner.

When a loved one starts talking suicide, jump on their case immediately, big time. Snap them out of it and tell them the facts, what it does to family and loved ones.

I lost my dad to suicide. He was drinking heavy. He lost his business and figured it was the only way out. That was back in the 80's. Feels like yesterday, like last week.


Be strong CF. We're here for you man. You didnt do it. It is danged hard to talk to someone whos totally out of it. They forget it the next day. The only time to talk to people in this condition is when they are sober. You have to catch them then. But they have to want to change man. They have to want to change. You can plant seeds of hope, but you can only do so much.


May his soul rest in peace.




Bill
 
Cheeze - don't let your recriminations flog you. There's likely nothing you could have done. He set the path of his life, you helped him with much of it, he helped you but as nice as it may sound - you just can't be your brother's keeper all the time.

If he dies, maybe he just wanted this part to be over with and wanted to see what the next part is like .
 
That news throws me off my feet! My feelings for you Cheezy.

In the past decades I had a lot of trouble with people in "inner" turmoil. My wife suffered from suicidal moods and selfdestruction for almost ten years when I met her, due to sufferings from her family/childhood and I am proud I helped her out. It was a long hard road and honestly it was only possible, because I was so very very close to her 24/7 and I sacrificed a lot, believe me! It was all worth it (would even go through it again...), but it would have been simply impossible to help with any distance in between.

It can even be very hard to even tell if you can help someone at all, how bad a situation exactly is, how urgend any help is needed at all, etc. And finally - with all broken down friends I´ve had - it always turned out to be a very personal decision of the individual: make it (help needed) or not make it (completely waste life)! This sounds very hard, I know, but we´re all on our own track when it comes down to survival! Help is great, but unfortunately sometimes not wanted, not enough, or not suitable. And alcohol or other drugs make things absolutely uncontrolable. I know how you feel, had to give up on people often, just not being able to help whatsoever. Feels like... (unbearable).

My thoughts are with you! It wasn´t your fault and sometimes life just turns against people completely. Try to respect your friends decision / his last way out - never mind how foolish it might seem to you, mourn for him and keep him in your heart as the good friend he was with all you´ve been through together! Sounds easy, I know it´s not...

Regards
Alex
 
when i talked to his sister last night she called from the trauma center. naturally, she was hysterical. she just called me again a few minutes ago. she just told me that he's not actually dead. the bullet went through his brain but didn't come out the other side. they are saying he has a chance to survive, but it's iffy, and even then, he probably won't have the use of his left side. they are keeping him in a coma, the brain swelling won't allow them to do further surgery at this time, so they can't get the bullet out yet. i can't figure out if this is better or worse.
thanks for letting me get this off my chest, and for the support:wavey:
 
I am sorry to hear of your anguish Cheezy. It is often harder on the survivors of tragedy. His actions should not reflect on you. Yet, we all say, "what if" during times that that.

As Lionheart said, depression and alcohol are a deadly mix. May God be with you and him.
 
I am so sorry for your loss. It is a beautiful and tragic story. Time heals all keep your head up. Kiwi, thanks for showing me AODA. Nothing but respect.
 
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