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WAY OFF TOPIC but....

I deal with a HUGE number of divorces and child custody issues (no, I am not a lawyer), and I will go ahead and say a couple things. First, good luck. It is a hard road from my experiences with divorces. Second, get an attorney NOW!

I cannot tell you how many times I have had to talk to a parent and tell them that I could not help them because there is no court paperwork saying I could. Don't misunderstand the court paperwork thing too. Many people show me paperwork agreed upon in an attorneys office between their attorneys, but that is not a legal document(depending on the state I guess). It needs to be from a Judge in most states. Call somebody and get some info and get the ball rolling. It sounds like she already has something in motion, so take care of yourself.
I can't say that I love dealing with lawyers, but I can't tell you how many times I have seen a good parent trying to do the right thing get the shaft.
Take care,
Brandon
 
I'm slow to give advice, but after reading the previous posts, it sounds like she simply wants something else or someone else in her life. You offered counseling and talking with your pastor, she refuses? Sadly, I think her mind is made up and changing that decision may be impossible. Sometimes people just want a massive change, perhaps they are in a mid-life crisis and see divorce as the answer. Sometimes they become infatuated with something or someone and they think they would be better pursuing that rather than staying with the one who actually loves them. There can be so many reasons, but if the person who seeks the divorce is unwilling to take the steps that can save and strengthen a marriage, then divorce becomes inevitable.

At this point, you need to continue to do the right things. Don't be suckered into confrontations, that can be turned against you during the divorce. I would advise you to retain the services of a good attorney as these things often start out civil, but turn nasty. Stick with your son, buying him lots of stuff isn't the answer. Spending time with him and showing him love is the answer. He may need the services of a counselor. As a child, I watched my parents divorce and it was unnerving. It's a life altering event, the outcome will be determined by the amount of love and understanding he is shown.

I wish you all the best.
 
Man, that is an almost exact duplication of what happened to me, and I know there was somebody else, nothing to do.
Get a lawyer to keep everything straigth and above board (and I mean ASAP) and specially to protect yourself.
For the rest I completely agree with stansds, the kid need love and his father, not lots of things and disregard what your wife says about "bribing", that is part of trying to justify herself.

Finally remember: in this order
Take care of yourself.
Take care of your kid.
Keep going, you KNOW you're doing the right thing.

Saludos hermano

Jose Angel
 
I have to agree with those who have said retain the services of an attorney.

At a time like this, you need an advocate, and that's what an attorney brings to the table.
 
What can I say....

Well, here is what I can say... I went through something similar back in 1991... with someone I thought I had bonded for life... I just never thought I'd survive it at first... I was left with two sons... one from my first marriage of 23 years whose Mom left for Heaven... and the other from my second marriage in Italy... (he chose to stay with us... me and his brother)...
Well, to make a story short, I remained single for a good 10 years in Italy... and then, out of the blue came this beautiful blonde lady whom I should have met back in 1960... and the rest is history... we have travelled all over the world.. Germany, Hawaii, Korea, Germany again and then finally here to Palms Springs in Southern Cal... I am happy as I never was before and hope I can last a few more years in this bliss... Whatever wisdom guides our steps on this earth works in misterious ways... and like Forrest Gump said... "life is like a box of candies... you never know what you are going to get... and I add: The best is yet to come...


View attachment 44472
 
These last few days have been a true trial of life. Today of all days is my 13th wedding anniversary......I felt so weird not buying anything......she has been out all day with my son, and I'm here alone. I can't get motivated to do much of anything and I know I shiouldn't be like this but today....its extra painful.

I know in time it will get a bit easier day by day but its good to know I can come here and still see this thread going.......thank you guys. Thank you for your kind words and advice.

I have been scheduled and appt. to seek advise next Monday....got a break on the price becuase of a frind so lets hope its helpful to me.
 
Ah man, I'm so sorry. I just spotted this. I was where you are over five years ago and I still wish I had a time machine to go back ten years and try to fix it.

I'll send you a PM with a link to a website I highly recommend you check out. Chatting about it here is good. It's great that you've reached out but this other place will help immensely. If your boss is a friend and knows your family let him know about this. This is going to effect your work and it will go much easier if he knows. You don't have to tell the world, they'll figure it out eventually. But do reach out to one or two guy friends who you trust and who will side with you and give you support. Meet with one of them weekly.

We did it clean, wrote up our own MSA, and we still talk to each other and ask each other's opinion. The best thing we ever did was have our daughter; she remains the glue that will always keep us in each other's lives.

Oh, and Happy Anniversary, Man. :kilroy:</SPAN>
 
Here is something you might find helpful. See if you can find a local therapy group or church affiliated group to get invoved with. It not only will give you a place to go where other people can relate to your situation, but also gives you a place to express what you are going through. The point is you don't have to isolate and go through this alone. Check in with your local mental health folks or Pastor.
 
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