A Flight Simulation Tale

...the bells dangling from the yaktail whip, musing that if he had only done things differently he could have....
 
.....powered sled with chromiun plated bull bars with a bank of spotlights above.......hey ho. He gripped his dongle patch as O'Dongle opened the throttles of the ski equipped Beta Alphasim Islander (the only one in existence) and they sped off down the runway. Or it would have been the runway had it not been for O'Dongle's cross-eyed view. It was in fact the main street. And why was his pal wearing a bobble hat and nothing else? Ah the cold that's why. As they careered toward the intersection of Glacier and Iceberg...........
 
....teabag smoking habit. Intrepid Aviator threw him 3 pennies and an old boiled sweet covered in pocket fluff just as Muligatawny O'Dongle pulled back on the stick.........nothing happened! Realising he was pulling hard on his dongle patch he stifled a yellow grin and grabbing the wheel pulled back hard. The ageing Beta AS Islander leapt skyward catching several hundred feet of 4th July bunting on it's skis the end of which was attached to Aunt Martha's voluminous bloomers.....
 
...and her, still inside the bloomers an' upside down an' all. It struck The Intrepid Aviator that the elderly Esquimo wasn't the only one with a teabag habit; he looked closely at Mully and wondered whether he'd made the right decision to take him on as The Biggiest Chief Of The Test Pilots of this aircraft, the only dual control Trislander. Too late for that now though, Mrs Pickle needed saving and he grabbed hold of the joy stick...
 
.......and pushed the throttles through the gate. The drag from Aunt Martha's inflated bloomers was causing the old kite to vibrate bringing a strange smile to O'Dongle's face. There was a cry from the cabin. " I'll save her " it was Gaylord Wingnut. Where did he come from? Gaylord climbed out onto the port ski, a Swiss Army knife clamped between his two teeth. He brought the knife down in an arc and.........
 
...fall into the slipstream. His arms flailed wildly until his right hand closed around the bunting. He slid down the rope until, cushioned by Aunt Martha and her inflated bloomers, he came to rest. The previously balanced drogue chute now took on a left bias and swung way out to port wrapping Gaylord and Aunt Martha around the steeple of St. Eggbert the Unwashed church. Something had to give and that was the left ski of the ancient Alphasim BN Islander.......
 
...and the ski punched through the roof of the church and landed noisily and with a great splash in a huge pot of arctic squirrel ghoulash that Sister Mary Joseph was making for the upcoming FrameRate Festival causing the aged nun to....
 
...look skywards and with goulash dripping from her face she shouted " No bejesus Oi prayed for some Ski yoghurt so Oi did". No sooner had the words left her mouth Gaylord and Aunt Martha came through the hole in the roof followed by the ornate weather vane. Meanwhile back on the one legged Islander.........
 
...our intrepid adventurer had a new problem.
He had misplaced his fx2.bmp file!
The Islander now produced a rooster tail reminiscent of a Santa sleigh on steroids, landing in a snowdrift.

He searched in "C:\Program Files\Microsoft Games\Flight Simulator 9\Effects\texture"
He searched in "C:\Program Files\Microsoft Games\Flight Simulator 9\Texture"
and "C:\Program Files\Microsoft Games\Flight Simulator 9\Scenery\World\texture"

but could not figure out what the problem was.
Eventually and as a last desperate resort, he thought he should try looking...
 
fired up the last working copy of 'Flightsim Manager' (complete with the 2010 date patch),
and began restoring all his backed-up files....aargh too late....the message flashed in front of him
'Drive C:\ is running out of space,to free up more space run disc cleanup now'

It was no good, should he try and retreive Gaylord from Aunt Martha's vineyard or...
 
...chuck it all and go back to Bernice the exotic dancer at the tokyo lounge in Biloxi and hope that she would...
 
..be able to help him with the dongle patch which had now attached itself to the weathervane stuck in his trousers. He thought a lot about Bernice and once in Biloxi and you'd got past the Polyethylene works the smell died away and it wasn't too bad a place...Yeah, the Tokyo lounge in the Strip, by the Abbatoirs and Cement works, a really sofisticated joint where the peanuts came already chewed and sometimes the beer had suds on it....hey, hey he was dreamin' here, he still had to find the fx2.bmp file, but the teabags made him forget why. Why? He turned back to the laptop in despair.....
 
and said:
"Now laptop, I know you can hear me, as I enabled text-to-speech and speech-to-text the last time I installed XP SP3.
I am going to say this once and once only..."
At that point he realised he hadn't switched the laptop on yet, due to the earlier teabag effect.
Luckily he hadn't called the MS helpdesk in Bangalore about this one, so he helped himself to another teabag as the trusty little flight simulator computer booted its way through the 236,441 trojans he'd collected, along with dicey-looking freeware, on his travels through hyperspace.
It all seemed to be working OK, though, as this time instead of a command prompt, the tinny little speaker announced:
"...
 
...Mully..... Mully, are you there?? Respond please a.s.a.p..that curry delivery is 2 days late and the popadoms are not to go..they'll be soft and clog the drive...'

Suddenly everything clicked into place and the Intrepedi Aviator realised almost straightaway the problem; Mully only had a provisional licence for a scooter!! God, what a fool he'd been to take him on without taking photocopies of his particules. His mind strayed to a picture of Berenice slouched at the bar with a bottle of something strong, half swilled at her side..oven cleaner perhaps, oh God, what a girl; the teabag effect was longer lasting than he imagined, but gradually Mully's face swam into focus, his woolly hat replacing the image of the ginger toupee she had to wear after her treatments....

'Mully, what have you done, we're ruined, ruinned....'
 
........Mully grinned that strange yellow grin and looking Intrepid Aviator in the eyes, left to right and right to left, he reached for the mouse saying with an evil look in his left eye, " I have a cunning plan."
Instantly the Islander was replaced with a fishing boat bobbing on a gentle swell in the Carribean.
Mully donned his Total Wetsuit unfortunately he'd forgotten about the triple helping of brussels sprouts he'd had last night and the relief valve was faulty........
 
....and as a result after he had dived off the boat and gone down 20 feet or so, the gas from the sprouts had nowhere to go but out, and out it went with a mighty rush of poisoned air that left two octopi, a tunafish and several smaller fish gasping for oxygen to no avail while Mully, a huge grin spread across his face, paddled to the surface knowing full well that he....
 
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