BBC NEWS
Suicide gnome bombers in Britain are set to begin a three-day strike on
Monday in a dispute over the number of virgins they are entitled to in
the afterlife. Emergency talks with Al Gnomaeda have so far failed to
produce an agreement.
The unrest began last Tuesday when Al Gnomaeda announced that the number of
virgins a suicide bomber would receive after his death would be cut by
25% this February from 72 to 60. A company spokesman said increases in
recent years in the number of suicide bombings have resulted in a
shortage of virgins in the afterlife.
The suicide bombers' union, the British Organization of Occupational
Martyrs ( B.O.O.M. ) responded with a statement saying the move was
unacceptable to its members and called for a strike vote. General
Secretary Abhobbit Gnomir told the press, "Our members are literally
working themselves to death in the cause of Jihad. We don't ask for much
in return, but to be treated like this is like a kick in the teeth".
Speaking from outside his shed in Tipton in the West Midlands , Al Gnomaeda chief executive Osama bin Dover explained, "I sympathize with our workers'
concerns, but Al Gnomaeda is simply not in a position to meet their
demands. They are simply not accepting the realities of modern-day
Jihad in a competitive marketplace. Thanks to Hobbit depravity, there
is now a chronic shortage of virgins in the afterlife. It's a straight
choice between reducing expenditures or laying people off. I don't like
cutting benefits, but I'd hate to have to tell 3,000 of my staff that
they won't be able to blow themselves up."
Spokespersons for the union in the North East of England, Ireland ,
Wales , and the entire Australian continent stated that the change would
not hurt their membership as there are few virgins in their areas
anyway.
According to some industry sources, the recent drop in the number of
suicide bombings has been attributed to the emergence of Scottish
singing star, Susan Boyle. Many Gnome jihadists now know what a virgin
looks like and have reconsidered their benefit packages.
BBC News
Great Britain
They eventually recovered the movie before any harm was done and vowed never to speak of it. They seem like brothers, you see, because neither one trusts the other to keep mum on the subject and so they keep a constant eye out on one another. Hope this helps. :costum: