A Flight Simulation Tale

when suddenly he was cut off by the phone systems deadpan, monotone female voice system:

"Thank you for calling Geeks R Us. Press 1 for Yiddish, Press 2 for Sanskrit, Press 3 for Middle Bizintine Empire, Press 4 for Ancient Galic, Press 5 for Mesopotamian Rift Valley Traders Pidgin, Press 6 for Swalhili with a Umbrian accent, Press 7 for Ute Indian, Press 8 for Hyrogliphs, Press 9 for Nubian Elite (and finally after listening to the phone system's deadpan monotone female voice system calling out the key presses for virtually every language ever spoken), Press 1,756,587 for English."
 
Frantically he punched in the numbers one seven five six five eight erm.......eight Noooo it was seven. Too late he realised he'd got the morse code number. He punched in his message in Boy Scout morse. An Asian voice said " Thankyou for ordering chicken vindaloo and popadums. Your order will be delivered shortly". There was a knock on the door, the takeaway delivery. He opened the meal and there was his chicken vindaloo and two framerate popadums. " Framerate!" he exclaimed. He gingerly inserted one into his CD drive, the drive whirred and...
 
Ello ello if you have inserted this popadum in error
you will not recieve the frame rates guide to the universe
but wait one moment while we verify the serial code
and then the lights went dark and
 
everything was silent and still. He took out his lighter, gave it flick and in the glimmering darkness he saw..
 
that the disk drive had started speeding up.
Soon it sounded like the intake of a Sabre jet!
The monitor went dark too, until at 35,000RPM it started to flash on and off:
Dit-dit-dah...dit-dah...
Frantically scribbling on the back cover of his "Morse Code for Dummies" paperback edition, he realised it was saying
 
He inserted the other popadum and closed the drawer. The CD rom spun up to 35,000 rpm again, the LED was flashing in morse code and smoke was comming out of every orifice. Suddenly the drive slowed and the monitor came alive, the drive started up again and then with a crunching sound it...
 
With all the intensity and excitement, he was startled with an alarm. It was his buddy writing him:

Hey man, I haven't heard from you since you started your project, care if I bring a keg tonight?

He could not resist the offer, he knew that this buddy of his will finally solve the mystery that he was about to discover....
 
There, at the bottom of his Dixie Cup, illuminated by the faint light from the LED buttons on his flight stick, he could just see a pair of Billy Bob Teeth....the kind that look like a rake that has been used by a drunken 900 pound silver back gorilla to scratch his itchy flea-infested butt.
 
Right then, staring morosely at this ghastly sight in the bottom of the cup, he made a momentous decision about booze and flying...
 
.........."Flying AND boozing don't mix 'cos you spill more than you drink." He made a note to buy a baby's drinking cup, that would stop the spillage. Meanwhile the teeth started to talk in a strange language. " bubble.....bubble!" He drank the beer. " Beware........do not drink the beer." said the teeth.
 
There was a knock at the door.....rat-a-tat-tat.....
It was the takeaway food delivery boy, "er,mistaken are we with your order.... gave you the wrong framerate pupadoms' did we.....very sorry but they are not compatible with....."
 
...anything YOU have", ehm, "learn you must" the grizzled delivery b.. "wait a tic", he thought to himself," I've seen this, er, boy somewhere before". Before he could speak, the new FPs floated from the creatures hand (claw?) and alighted on a table. "Amazed, you are" the words creaked out. As I turned to the table a flash and a jolt knocked me off my leg and...
 
....there it was! A shiny, brilliantly radiating.....frame-rate! Gloriously basking in its own....gloriousness?....Well, nonetheless, our intrepid adventurer wasted no time; He snatched up the framerate and yelled....
 
"Eureka, eureka!! I've found it!!!" "But what do I do with it?"
 
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